Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
