One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
