We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
