i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
