my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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