How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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