I got chris browned last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
