I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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