Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
