best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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