Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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