I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
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