can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
