There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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