I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
