Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
