Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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