Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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