you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
