Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do herpes really smell.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
