TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk is not a location!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
