What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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