I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
