the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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