just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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