I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
