It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
PANTIES FOUND
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
