I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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