don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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