she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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