The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
