it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
