maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
