Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
