Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
