Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
