the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
