Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
FUCK WHALES
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
