I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
