Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Blood and glitter go together right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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