hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
