Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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