And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize