I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
