Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
