Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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