This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
