There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
