dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
