dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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