idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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