they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
