the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
