There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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